Has someone ever shared with you that they are moving, getting a new job, career, married and you felt a pang of jealousy, envy, anger, or insecurity rising?
If so, these feelings are not about the other person, they’re about you. When someone shares good news or excitement and you have a difficult time whole heartedly supporting them, it’s time to look within.
In her book The Language of Emotions, Karla McLaren delves into each emotion, exploring the message it has for us. Karla states that jealousy and envy “both contain a mixture of anger and fear and they attempt to restore lost boundaries”. She goes on to explain that both emotions are about threats; jealousy to intimate relationships and envy to social standing and resources.
If you’re not aware of these emotions and the message they offer you, you may act them out by projecting your feelings onto others. This can show up by negating someone, questioning their happiness, or escalating into anger, hatred or gossip about them. So instead of walking blindly into your shadow and potentially hurting yourself or someone else, ask yourself what is showing up to be restored within you? What do you need?
Envy, like all other emotions has a message for you about a need or desire. And if someone else shows up with jealousy towards you, Karla suggests this; ” if you can support, listen to, and honor envious people by inviting them to speak and explore their perceptions, you’ll help them discover where those threats originated and what to do about them”.