Are you holding a grudge against someone?
The key element in that question is that you are the holder of the grudge and where is that grudge held?
Who does it hurt?
You, and only you.
Grudges are held when you feel you have to be right about something that was done or said to you. This also keeps you in the victim role and is not true empowerment.
Grudges are kept alive by thinking about the wrong that occurred and reliving it each time. This thinking process keeps the event alive in the present, even though it is over with. Your body and emotions react as if the situation is occurring right now each time you think about it. This is not a healthy place to settle into.
Creativity author SARK describes grudges using the metaphor of a Grudge Island in her book “The Bodacious Book of Succulence”. She states that Grudge Island is a place where “all the people on it would be bent over carrying the weight of all their grudges.” Grudges are heavy, as you are the one carrying them. They keep you from your future as they fuel bitterness, resentment and anger deep within you, blocking you from all the good feelings and experiences available to you.
How do you let go of a grudge if you truly feel you’ve been mistreated or misunderstood without an apology from someone?
1. Ask yourself “what have I learned from the situation that occurred?”
2. Gain support from friends or family to help remind you to stop the ruminating process.
3. Write a letter of release about the grudge; burn it or tear it up.
4. Own your part in keeping the grudge alive.
Grudges are different than continuing to feel the pain from something that happened in the past. If you are experiencing a deep wound, consider entering into counseling for healing support.
Grudges are sludge in your psyche and they only hurt you; not the person or situation that was the cause. They can create emotional pain, keep you from experiencing ture authentic connection and communication with others, and block you from moving ahead in your life.
Free yourself, let go of a grudge and open yourself up to spending more time on “Pleasure Island” as SARK suggests.