Right now you’re in relationship with everything around you: this blog post, other people, businesses, money, and yourself. How you react to the world and all your relationships is based on your ”filter”, how you see and interpret the world around you.
How do you feel about the relationships in your life right now?
Are they fulfilling?
Do they provide you with feelings of safety, support, and love?
If your relationships are gliding along smoothly, good for you! Or, if you have conflict in your relationships, good for you too, because this is where your personal and spiritual growth is held.
How you handle conflicts provides you with information about how you protected yourself when you were a child. Did you retreat or react? What do you do now? If you retreat, perhaps your environment was not safe or expression was not encouraged. If you react, maybe that is how you got heard in your family. Retreating or reacting taken to extremes stops healthy communications in it’s tracks.
“Conflict is the alchemical soup that transforms raw emotion and instinct into pure gold.” Harville Hendrix
Resolution in relationships comes from clear communication. If you are up to the task and ready to be changed at depth, consider managing conflict from a new perspective the next time it arises with the following ideas:
- Speak your truth – State your feelings to your friend/partner using “I” statements and express what you need from that person. For example: “ I felt scared when you did not call home when you were traveling. I’d like you to call me when you arrive at your destination so I can relax knowing you are o.k.”
- Think about the expectations you have of others. Are they reasonable? Do others even know you have these expectations? Check it out with them and negotiate if you have to.
- Be willing to say, “I am sorry”. This can be the most healing balm of all.
Relationships mirror back to you a bounty of information about yourself, if you’re willing to become aware. Like Harville Hendrix states in the quote above, this is where the gold is. The gold is the rich, deep, growth that happens within you and your relationships when you are willing to be honest with yourself. This is where the heart is and where love lives within you!