Do you ever wish you had a quick answer when someone communicates something confusing to you? The “scratch your head in amazement and wonderment” about what was said kind of conversation?
When I was a teenager, I relied on one of my favorite paperback books “Mad’s Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions” by Al Jaffee to offer up some answers. As silly as this book is, what I loved more than the sarcasm was the realization that there were ways to stand up to someone and stand up for myself. Even back then I was trying to figure out how to have an answer for people in my life that left me confused after having a conversation with them. I loved the silly comebacks and still do, however, I now take a mature and healthy approach to not so much stupid questions, but communication that is manipulative and controlling in nature.
If I had to sum up one of the most common themes that brings clients into the therapy process is: communication. To be specific, what I’m referencing are clients that are confused about what is being said to them by a boss, co-worker, friend, partner, family member and yes, even social media. Instead of questioning the other, they blame themselves.
What is at work here?
Whether conscious or not it’s about control and manipulation.
When a person attempts to gain control, they don’t feel safe, good enough, or have an insecurity. They may have the need to always be right or act superior in order to feel secure and they may use communication to temporarily fulfill this need. Sometimes it’s intentional, it can be learned and other times it’s become a well worn habit.
One of my expertise counseling and intuitive skills is identifying the manipulation and creating safety for the person on the other end of the control with tools, processes and boundary setting.
I’ll be sharing healthy ways for you to communicate here on my blog as well what your role in the dance might be.
Ready to get empowered in your life? Let’s get clear on communication!